Why Ian is the way he is

Why does Ian stay? Why does he still care? Does he still care?

I have no idea. Sometimes I think he's only still with me so that I don't hurt myself. He knows I don't break promises.

Over the summer, we both really needed each other.

In March, on the 24th of 2010, Alex killed himself. Three days later, Ian's grandmother, the woman who raised him and loved him the most and watched him skate and comforted him and was his biggest fan, passed away after fighting so hard for months against breast cancer.

I never met Ian's grandmother. I wish, so hard, that I would have had the privilege.

I believe that the way she stood by him, the values that she instilled in him, really impacted his life. Even when she could barely hold herself up, she supported him. She was the only one who really watched him skate.

"Grandma, watch this!"

I'd imagine he said that so many times, and it's strange to put that kind of enthusiasm in Ian's voice.

Never once was his mother supportive of his skating. He lived with his grandma and grandpa for most of his life.

I think that his grandma's love for him is reflected in how he stands by me. Over the summer, I was really mad at Ian for something that I can't even remember, and I got a text a while later that read,

"Please don't leave me alone..."

I really believe that he feels alone. I do, too, and I think that's why he's still here. I've talked to him about his grandma before, and he was in tears...

I do love Ian, but I don't think it's quite in the way that I want to put it...

He's my best friend.

I'm not afraid of you, bright eyes.
Alex